The “way of being”—a concept central to ontological coaching—is all about how we show up in the world. It’s not just what we do but who we are while doing it. Think of it as your internal compass: the thoughts, emotions, and behaviours that shape how you approach life. When you tune into your way of being, you unlock the ability to make transformational changes that are meaningful and lasting.
It is the “I am” when you introduce yourself.
As Fernando Flores, an influential thinker in ontological coaching, puts it: “We speak of what we observe, but we also create our world through our declarations and commitments.” This means that by being intentional about how we see and engage with the world, we create the results we truly desire.
What is the “Way of Being”?
Your way of being is how you experience yourself, others, and the world. It’s the lens through which you interpret situations and make decisions. From how you face challenges to how you seize opportunities, this internal state shapes it all.
It consists of your Body, Emotions, Language, or BEL in Ontological acronym.
Your Body: This is your physical being, the body that shows up with you wherever you go. Contrary to what many believe, humans isn’t merely an intellectual being. Our body and all its sensations are integral in who we are.
Your Emotions: This is the feelings we have. Emotions is also defined as the predisposition to action. Which means when you feel anger you might do something rash, and when you feel sadness you might do something harmful. When you reflect, you can rewind the scene and determine the emotion that triggered the action.
Your Language: The story you tell yourself and others. How you communicate, make requests or keep promises. We are most familiar with language, yet there are still many things to be aware about. Think how many problems have arisen from a “communication breakdown”!
Alan Sieler, a thought leader in ontological coaching, emphasises: “True transformation begins with the recognition of one’s way of being.” When we shift this core foundation, we begin to change our reactions, thoughts, and emotional responses—and the results follow.
Awareness: Your First Step to Transformation
Awareness is key. When you understand your way of being, you can start asking impactful questions:
- What assumptions are holding me back?
- Are my thoughts empowering or limiting me?
- What emotions am I feeling as I go about this?
- Am I showing up as the most effective version of my self right now?
Take a client transitioning from corporate life to entrepreneurship. If their way of being is rooted in fear—“I’m not good enough”—this belief can block their success. But by identifying and shifting this mindset, they step forward with courage and clarity.
But it’s not just about thoughts. Your body and emotions also play a huge role in how you show up. Often, small physical habits—like a slumped posture or tense shoulders—can signal to your brain that it’s in “rest mode,” making it harder to take action. Awareness of your physical self can be the first step in shifting this behaviour.
Your slightly slanted laid-back posture might be inhibiting your actions by telling your brain it is in a resting mode.
Facilitating Your Transitions with Your Way of Being
Transitions often bring uncertainty—whether it’s a career change, a new leadership role, or personal growth. Here’s how becoming aware of your way of being can guide you through:
- Challenge Limiting Beliefs: Shift thoughts like “I’m too old for this” into affirmations of possibility.
- Master Your Emotions: Move from fear or frustration to optimism and calm—states that empower progress.
- Be in Touch with Your Body: Is how you show up—your posture, your gait—supporting the way forward for you?
Coaching Your Way of Being
As your coach, I partner with you to shift your way of being so you can achieve lasting change. Together, we will:
- Ask Thoughtful Questions: We’ll uncover the stories that are holding you back and reframe them into empowering narratives.
- Shift Emotions: I’ll help you become aware of your emotional patterns, and together we’ll replace those that are limiting with ones that propel you forward.
- Somatic Awareness: I’ll guide you to notice and embody physical shifts that mirror and support the emotional and mental changes you’re making.
- Create New Narratives: We’ll work together to create a new, aligned story that reflects the future you want to create.
Your Transformation Awaits
The beauty of the way of being is that it’s never static—it’s yours to refine and shape. By embracing this awareness, you’ll navigate transitions with clarity, purpose, and resilience.
You can create the life you truly want. And with the right guidance and support, you can make that transition smoother and more powerful.
Ready to navigate your transition with clarity and confidence?